first off, merry christmas, etc etc. it’s a little hard for me to write that as this is the first christmas eve that i haven’t spent at my parents’ house, doing my usual christmas eve ritual which includes decorating our tree at night while listening to Ravel’s Bolero on LP. i’m still struggling to deal with it (sniff sniff)…
since my winter break has been curtailed by, well, winter, i’ve been in my house writing lesson plans for my upcoming intersession class and watching hulu. with most of my favorite shows on hiatus, i’ve been trolling around for something to keep my attention. this brought me to the new season of Scrubs [med school] on ABC. i had always liked scrubs before so i figured why not. little did i know that i was going to learn a lesson from the television.
it’s hard to envision what kind of teacher you’ll be. i’d like to think i’m a cool musicologist who imparts only the most awesome historical information. well in the classes i have taught, i’ve gotten a few laughs and dropped a little knowledge. i’ve taught classes before but not on this magnitude. three hours is a test for anyone. so what kind of teacher will i be (besides, hopefully a good one)?
i’ve always considered myself a tyrant. and i say that in the nicest way possible. i’m a tough grader and don’t really allow for craziness but only because something in me wants the students to know that they can give more, not to settle. maybe that will relax over time but i don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting that. what i don’t want is to be a dr. dorian — too concerned with being liked and wanting to nurture. all teachers want that to some extent or they wouldn’t be teachers, but that kind of thing scares me.
you know what else scares me? not feeling prepared or knowledgeable. i feel like people can see right through that and what i am concerned with is having students leave with something new and positive. it seems to me that it’s a delicate balance between mentor and dictator that works best. and what really helps is if the one teaching really enjoys what they’re doing, which, under all of the terror, i do.
this is probably way too early for me to think about these things as i am in the most nascent, proto-stages of what i hope will be a long career. but you know, if you watch enough TV it can either make you think or…turn your brain to rot. /PSA.
i will actually take a vacation for christmas (maybe to new years) so with that, sing me off, jingle cats!